3/4 time

Late night ramblings

Greg — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 05:03:40 +0000

Some people I know are so good at writing it almost makes me want to stop….one in particular puts words together like she is sewing a new shirt and every piece fits perfectly. If my writing was a shirt being sewed it would look like one of those Christmas sweaters with one arm longer than the other …you know the ones I mean. My life sometimes gets like that too…..Certain parts fit perfect…while other parts are like that long sleeve that just doesn’t fit. I have always said albeit tongue in cheek that you can explain everything with a sports metaphor. Life is like Golf….you see in golf you have different aspects of the game….ie putting, driving, irons, short game…it seems for most hackers like myself when one part of your game is working another is just missing in action. One day you can putt good, and you can’t hit off the tee very well, while on another day you are getting off the tee well and you are hitting your irons great, but you can’t putt to save your ass. Life can be like that….but I believe that like golf you just have to keep working to improve your game (or your life) the best way you can. So I am doing just that…keep on going forward, don’t let anything stop you….and never stop being who you really are, believe in your self…or don’t doubt yourself. That is where I am in life right now….Some things are working, and some things are not…but I will just keep working…trying to mesh it all together so I don’t end up with one sleeve longer than the other….When problems hit I tend to bury inside…let the fire burn inside so no one will see the flame…part of that reason is…..(and I am not doing a poor me thing here just stating a fact I am ok with) I just don’t have anyone at this stage of my life I trust to really open up and talk about things with. I am actually comfortable with just letting it burn inside…There have been times in my life where that has been the case and have grown to get comfortable with that. That is not a cry for help…just being real…telling it like it is.

One part of my life that is working well is when I spend time with my little man Nolan. Nothing could ever bring me more joy that the times we spend together doing something…or nothing. I did something right in God’s eyes for him to bring that little man in my life. He (God) blessed my life with Nolan…..I am lucky enough to spend lots and lots of time with him. When I saw him in the NICU and I was the first one to change his little diaper in between all those wires and tubes I knew that instant that Nolan Tyler Wilson and I would have a special bond. He has made me change who I am…no matter what anyone thinks….for the better. I have reading him a bedtime story every night from the first day we brought him home from the hospital….He told me he is a daddys boy forever tonight…so no matter what happens in other parts of my life good or bad….nothing could outweigh the good that little man brings in my life….I thank God every day for him….So the bad I keep inside…cause I just don’t trust Y’all out there…sorry…The two things I know I can count on is ….God loves me for the broken man I am…and the blessing God has put in my life by the name of Nolan Tyler Wilson. Good Night all….GKW

Focus on the good….work on the bad….be nice

Greg — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 02:34:27 +0000

Focus on the good….work on the bad….be nice.…is going to be my motto for the rest of this year and 2012 so I thought it would be a good header for my long overdue blog update.

So here I sit on a on a cool Friday morning looking out the window of my home office feeling good about it being Friday and just feeling good overall….this is after being a little down yesterday following my monthly visit at the Rex Cancer Center. My platelet numbers are again up this time to 800,000. That is up from 756,000 last month, which was up from 680,000 the month before that. My internal response is WTF….I mean seriously….I am doing everything they are telling me to do….ALL my other numbers look great, and they said to me yesterday they just don’t understand why my platelets are going in the wrong direction…but they are. The good news is I feel awesome….I am probably in the best shape I have been in in 5 years or so…my energy is great….I am hitting the gym 3 to 5 times a week, I am eating healthy most of the time, and I went a hard 45 min’s on the ecliptic machine at the gym last night and worked chest. I am down to 206 from 228 a year a go. So all is good and I figure all I can do is try and stay healthy and stay positive. The danger zone or red line for platelets is 1,000,000….and although I am headed in that direction…I am not there yet, and my hope is it will turn the other way on my next visit….I will add that the Dr’s at the Rex Cancer Center tell me that stress is or can be a contributor and when I gave them a list of things that were giving me stress in my life they looked at me with a furrowed eyebrow and said it needs to be reduced….without giving a list of things that bring me stress in my life on here ….I will say that some are out of my control. I am working on trying to reduce some of the areas that are bringing me stress, but again there is only so much I can do…So that is it on the medical front.

City Politics:

Some of you might know I was elected last year as the vice chair of the North Central CAC about a year a go. In the last year I planned to and feel like I have been able to accomplish a couple different things. Not the least of them was build trust in the neighborhood and with the present CAC officers. I have also worked very hard to build a working relationship with the present Chair. Another thing I have wanted to do is meet and build a network with various departments in the City of Raleigh and get to know other CAC officers via the RCAC. I feel like I have accomplished all these goals, but in some ways I have just scratched the surface of things I would like to do to make the neighborhood my family and I live in. Because of that I have decided that I am putting hat in the ring to run for a 2nd term as Vice Chair. Some of the things I would like to accomplish in the next term is add some level of technology to this CAC starting with some kind of basic web page or facebook page. Although I am told there is already one in place I would like to re-institute a neighborhood watch at the very least in the blocks surrounding my house. These things as well as continue to build my relationship with…The present chair, the neighborhood I support, the city services dept, and the other chairs that are part of the RCAC. If I am lucky enough to be re-elected and serve another term I think I can continue to make the neighborhood better safer place to live. Oh one other thing I want to do is better engage St Aug’s college and see more buy in from them at times when they are not needing something. We have to help those who can’t help themselves, but we have to do more than just that….in transitional neighborhoods like this one we need to we need to make sure the neighborhoods are safe from crime….ie prostitution, drugs gangs etc…One of the safe ways to do that for neighbors is communication which is why two of the initiatives I will attempt to work on are the web site, and the neighborhood watch. Well I will keep you up dated on this front as well….

The hits just keep on comming…..More good news

Greg — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 02:16:57 +0000

OK Lets review…..Keeping in mind the normal platelet count should be between 125 and 450…..when I was first diagnosed with this my platelets were at 800….next visit it ticked down to 780…at the time of the bone marrow biopsy they fell again to 750…..now after the first month of of being on the IRON meds they were down to 680….good right….yes. To be honest I was hoping for a bigger drop, but the Dr says she is real happy and it that it takes a while for the meds to bring the platelet levels down to normal. My next check up at the Rex Cancer Center is in 3 months that will be the real test….and I will be faced with 2 possible scenarios…..1) the platelets will be down to a normal or near normal level and then it’s all good and will mean that as the Dr said….some people don’t produce enough iron in the bone marrow and it takes a while sometimes to manifest itself….which she believes is the case with me and the meds will make it right. Scenario 2.) The platelets have leveled off at the 600″s and that will mean that I am most likely in the early stages of Essential thrombosis or ET for short….not good. So I have decieded I am choosing option 1 and will be around to bug all of you who read this until I am about 90….So I might not blog about this for a while because I have it in my mind that I in scenario #1 and all is well that ends well…I feel great….and I will let everyone know what is going on in 3 months after my next check…But I wanted to let you all know the latest good news…..Thanks for your continued prayers and good thoughts…..Until next time…..GKW

I raise my hands to the sky in thanks….

Greg — Tue, 03 May 2011 22:49:27 +0000

As most of you know who know me and have been reading this blog….you know about 6 weeks ago I got sent to Rex Cancer Center due to some blood work that came in with high platelets which they thought could be Essential Thrombocytosis, an incurable blood disease and or Leukemia. I have gotten numerous test done on me including the most painful thing I have ever experienced ….a bone marrow biopsy…..which I have been waiting for the results on for a week and a half…My platelets were very high..(which over works your bone marrow) The Dr was concerned and thought I had ET or worse…..but all the tests have come back negative….which is why they had to do the bone marrow biopsy…….Well today the results from the bone marrow biopsy came back ….and although she (The Dr) saw some early signs of bone marrow break down there was no sign of ET, In some of the early tests there was no sign of low iron in my blood……. but the bone marrow biopsy tests showed my bone marrow had low iron which she believes/hopes is what caused platelets to go up so high and does now not feel that I have ET. So she is putting me on a high dose of iron in the hopes that in a month when I go see her at The Rex Cancer Center that this high dose of Iron will make my platelets go back down to a normal level….Out of all the scenario’s that could have played out…..this is the very best I could ever dare hope/pray for. I prayed every single day since I was told I have an incurable disease to God to make this go away….so I wouldn’t have some incurable disease……so I would be healthy……. So now I have one more hurdle….a month of high dose of Iron and go back to the Rex Cancer Center and they check my blood….and my prayers are that my platelets will be down……so I thank all of you for your concerns, love, and prayers….I just ask you for you to keep me in your prayers for this last hurddle ….and that this high dose of Iron will get my platelets down……But the Dr is hopeful and so I am too….

Praise to God….I am not someone who usually quotes scripture, and even though I won’t know for sure for a month that everything is OK….I want to close with this…..

Thessalonians 5:18 – give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Thank you God….You have turned a dark day in my life back to the light of hope …

That is it for now…So until next time I AM DOING AWESOME…..I hope you are too…..

It hurt…like nothing I ever felt…

Greg — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 14:11:04 +0000

This battle I am wage against this disease essential thrombocytosis (ET for short) changed today. I have written that numerous times I have no symptoms thus far. Today that still stands true, however today I had a bone marrow biopsy…..it was necessary but hurt like a bitch….like nothing I ever felt. I will get the results in 7 days…..the good news is my platelets went down albeit slightly…and other than the fact that the blood tests show I have higher than normal platelets all the other tests have come back negative….so next was bone marrow biopsy which they did yesterday. It was done by my new buddy Erin….who did an awesome job and I can tell we are going to buddies for a long time…I was lucky to have her take care of me yesterday….and like I said I find out the results in 7 days. But more good news is that because my platelets have actually gone down instead of going up I don’t have to start on any medication ….so although the bone marrow biopsy was not a great experience I am happy not to have to start taking any medication …at least not yet. So I always try to take the positives out of everything….so the positives not in any particular order (1) I got to meet Erin…who did a great job taking care of me and answering my 1000 questions all with a smile….oh and Kiona and her had a good laugh about men handling pain…(not sure that is a positive ha ha ha) 2.) no medication yet….(3) Platelets went DOWN to 720. 4.) We are so blessed to have the Suzanne and Lizzy in our life who took care of Nolan while I was at the Rex Cancer Center…. In life anytime you can meet great people no matter what happens your day is a success….So although I endured a painful procedure, and I am hurting today….Yesterday….was a good day….So that is it for now….I am doing great….and I hope you are too….Happy Friday

Tomorrow I go see my new friends…

Greg — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:45:41 +0000

Yup tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for and fearing….I go see my new friends at Rex Cancer Center..Ya see I feel just fine and I have always been one to say….don’t fix it if it ain’t broke. But even though I feel just fine…worked out last night played golf last fri and sat….tomorrow I have a feeling I am going to feel like a lab rat…but to be honest I can tell something isn’t right…I often feel fatigued not crazy fatigued but it’s like you feel when you go through the day without much sleep..but that is it…nothing else at all is bothering me. Other than the anticipation of what they will do to me tomorrow. Tomorrow at least we will get some more answers about the tests and what will be happening going forward. That will be good….So if you are reading this ….tomorrow at a little after 1 pm think good thoughts for me….I will be strong, positive and hopeful regardless of what they do or say tomorrow. Wish me luck tomorrow….I will let you all know what the deal is when I am able….until then…..I am doing great……I hope you are too….

Wishing it away won’t work….

Greg — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 01:03:22 +0000

I have spent the last couple days since I made public the fact that I have an incurable disease telling everybody that I am fine and dandy…and I am really, but one thing I don’t say…is that the future scares me. The unknown of what will or could happen and how I will be affected by it all….Most of all the treatment ….the bone marrow biopsy, the chemo….that scares me…..I am not afraid of dying….don’t get me wrong I don’t want to die….but I am not afraid to die. This appointment I have on 4/21 at the Rex Cancer Center is not something I am looking forward to….the fact that I could be getting a bone marrow biopsy is something I just don’t want to deal with…I have to deal with it ….but I don’t want to. Also the fact that I most likely will have to start on chemo next week also I think will suck….You see right now even though I know I have this “incurable disease” I have no symptoms…I can work out (had a great work out at rapid fitness tonight) I go about my day like I am fine and dandy….but then comes the 21st and they start fucking with me….sticking a needle in my spinal cord….making me take yucky medicine….Thoughts crawl all over my brain throughout the day….so if I die…how will Nolan handle it….I worry about my boy….if something were to happen to me….I mean he is such a daddy’s boy….I don’t care about me so much…but I don’t want him to be sad or scared….that worries me. Remember I am just venting the thoughts and worries that flash in my brain from time to time….I am not sitting here wringing my hands ….just the constant flood of thoughts …..I wish I could turn them off….they only come to the surface here…..this is my outlet….so thanks for listening….

The short name for Essential Thrombocythemia is ET…..well just so there is no mis-conception….I hate you ET……ET go home…or go back where ever you came from…..for the first time in my life I don’t want to admit it…but I am a little scared…again not afraid of dying…but of the future…and what it holds for me. Even though I am a little scared….I will never give in…I will never back down from you ET….Oh and ET….it looks like you have ended me having an occasional Cigar which I loved to do…so fuck you very much for that too…..To end on a high note I am going golfing tomorrow with my buddies….I will let you know how that went….That’s it for now….until next time…..I am doing great….I hope you are too……..Happy Thursday !!

I’m a lucky guy…

Greg — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 19:22:27 +0000

So I have been thinking ….So if I look at my life thus far I would have to consider me a very lucky guy…I mean if you just count my awesome wife, and my sweet sweet little man who is my son and stop there I am waaaaaaaaaaaay luckier than most. Add on top of that all the great friends I have met and have in my life, all the places I have been, and all I have been able to learn from good experiences and bad….man God just blessed me more than I probably deserved. But it doesn’t mean I have to like or accept the fact that I have an incurable disease….I mean I accept that I have an incurable disease but I don’t like it ….not one little bit. Don’t get me wrong ….my plan is set the record for longevity for people with this desease …..I always said if I make it to 80 that is a good run….at least that is what I am aiming for….keep working out…keep eating healthy…. 85 here I come…..I am doing pretty good….I am still working out and have no symptoms other than the mental part of all this….In fact I am going to go golfing Friday & Sat with some friends….which should be fun..and take my mind off of all this for a while….That’s it for now….so until next time….Happy Monday….I am doing Great…and I hope you are too….

But I feel ok….

Greg — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 04:31:20 +0000

Yeah I feel ok….but about a week ago I was told I have an incurable blood disease..

(Essential thrombocythemia (ET, also known as essential thrombocytosis) is a rare chronic blood disorder characterized by the overproduction of platelets by megakaryocytes in the bone marrow in the absence of an alternative cause. In some cases this disorder may be progressive, and rarely may evolve into acute myeloid leukemia or myelofibrosis. It is one of four myeloproliferative disorders…

I didn’t gasp…I haven’t gone why me…yet….I am trying not to go there…. I figured it would be good for me to blog about it…you know express my faults…might help me not get depressed about it all….I didn’t see or feel it coming, but unless the 2nd set of Dr’s and the oncology dept at Rex is wrong I have an incurable blood disease that will manifest itself and take my life. It is a genetic rare disease that makes your blood form too many platelets…the thing that clots your blood (now that is what I really call to much of a good thing) . The top off that good news the Dr told me it was incurable….I have has some bad days, real bad as a matter of fact, but that was a bad day. They good news is that I could ….key word being could….have 10 to 20 years of quality life left….that was actually the statement that shook me a little…putting a number on your life….didn’t really like hearing that. The other good news is…I am going to be 58…if I can make it 20 years….I will be 78…and hell…that ain’t bad…and the longer I can live the more chance they might find a way or something to fix this mess….not counting on that you see, but I am still getting my head around this and thinking a million different things….Lets be clear …I am not a good writer, and I am doing this for me for the most part, you know to write my thoughts down. So I apologize if my words don’t flow….I am too tired to write much more…I have to work tomorrow and it is 12:30…Until next time…good night….I am ok…and I hope you are…